About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship. Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. (US Department of Justice, 2004 statistics)

If Your Teen is Involved in an Abusive Relationship

You must give your child the help, support, and protection she or he needs, such as:

Ask questions and listen with an open mind and heart

Communicate openly with your teen

Respect your teen's feelings

Be calm and take positive action

Set limits where appropriate

Avoid power struggles with your teen

Help set up a safety plan if your teen is trying to end the relationship

Deal with your anger and frustration in calm, reasoned, and constructive ways

Resolve conflicts with your teen early

Be a role model for your teen on issues such as sobriety, your personal relationship with your spouse and others

If Your Teen is the Abuser

It is vital that you address this issue in a way that will break the cycle of violence. There are things you can do to help your teen and others recognize the abuse, understand the dynamics behind it, and get help to stop the behavior before it becomes a life-long pattern, such as:

Recognize controlling and abusive behavior

Acknowledge your awareness of controlling and abusive behavior

Confront your teen's controlling and abusive behavior

Communicate your concerns to the parents of your teen's partner

Consult with community programs and mental health professionals for ideas

Accept help and support for your efforts from friends, family, and others in the school, church, and community

Seek help for your teen through community and mental health programs

Support your teen's efforts to stop the pattern of abuse

Next: Help and Support

Learn more

Abuse: Overview - Neglect

Physical Abuse - Sexual Abuse

Emotional Abuse - Help and Support

Information on Teen Dating Violence

Choose Respect ~ An initiative by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) to help teens, ages 11-14, form healthy relationships to prevent dating abuse before it starts.
Date Rape, Violence, and Christianity ~ The Bible affirms that all people are made in the image of God, and have the same dignity and value in God’s sight (Genesis 1:26-27, 5:2-3; Acts 17:25-26; James 3:9). It is the obligation of all believers to respect and honor one another and to promote each other’s well-being (Romans 12:10-16; 15:1-2; Galatians 6:2; Colossians 3:11).
Dating Violence ~ Warning signs, dating safety, statistics, safety planning, and the Dating Bill of Rights.
Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality ~ This study clearly demonstrates a linkbetween health risk behavior and the experience of dating violenceamong adolescent girls, and encourages health professionals to screen teen clients for this abuse.
Dating Violence Among Adolescents ~ This fact sheet offers information on dating violence backed up by statistics for both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
Emotional Abuse in Teen Dating Relationships: What Every Parent Needs to Know ~ Almost ALL teens report that they have been emotionally or psychologically mistreated, harmed, stalked, manipulated, or pressured in some way by a dating partner who claimed to love them and to have their best interest at heart.
For Teen Daters, A Cell Phone Can Be An Abusive Leash ~ A study found that 20 to 30 percent of teens who had been in relationships said their partner had constantly checked in on them, had harassed or insulted them, or had made unwanted requests for sexual activity, all via cell phones or text messages.
Friendship as an Antidote to Dating Violence ~ Female teens are less likely to be victims of abuse during dating if they have strong support from friends.
Love Is Respect ~ Online home of the National Teen Dating Violence Helpline (1-866-331-9474) and a community where teens, their families, and friends can find support and information on dating abuse.
Peer Sexual Abuse Dangerous for Teens ~ This study found that traumatic dating experiences (where rape or other violence occurred) were linked to a sharp increase in self-destructive behaviors like suicide attempts and eating disorders.
Prescription for Teen Dating Do's and Don'ts: Parents Should Talk Openly, Set Limits ~ More than ever, teens need their parents to provide guidance and boundaries when they are ready to start dating. Here are some excellent tips for parents.
Sibling Aggression May Be Precursor to Dating Violence ~ Belligerence among brothers and sisters may lead to violence later in dating relationships.
Teen Dating Violence ~ Articles, fact sheets, and informational resources on dating violence from the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center.
Teen Dating Violence: Are You Aware? ~ There are many things that you, as a parent, can do to both prevent and intervene in an adolescent violent relationship. The first is to recognize the problem and the signs, and then to talk with your teen.
Teen Dating Violence: Prevention Recommendations (pdf) ~ Recommendations for teens, parents, school personnel, mental health professionals, school counselors, health care professionals, judges and court personnel, victim attorneys and prosecutors, law enforcement officers, and domestic violence organizations.
Teen Power and Control Wheel ~ Teen dating abuse includes harassment, intimidation, privacy violation, threats, using male privilege, limiting independence, humiliation, and isolation.
Tragic Tale of Teen Dating Violence ~ Is your daughter vulnerable to an abusive relationship? Read this powerful story on a devastating event.

But I Love Him: Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships

by Jill Murray

One in three girls will be in a controlling, abusive dating relationship before she graduates from high school — from verbal or emotional abuse to sexual abuse or physical battering. Is your daughter in danger? Dr. Murray identifies these controlling, abusive patterns of behavior and helps you get your daughter out of the relationship without alienating her. You will learn what draws her to this type of relationship, why she has a hard time talking to you about it, the special barriers teens face when breaking off a relationship, and what's going on in the mind of a teen abuser. Dr. Murray will help you show your teen what a respectful relationship looks like, and teach her the importance of respecting herself.