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What can I do to make our family's MORNING ROUTINE EASIER?

What are the characteristics of an EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY person?

How can I set BOUNDARIES and LIMITS in my home?

How do I deal with the ANGER in our family?

Our adult son moved back in the home.  How should we handle FAMILY CHORES and RULES?

What makes a STRONG FAMILY?

Could you fake fifty push-ups?  Could you fake cardio-vascular fitness? Of course not. Why do you think you can fake a meaningful relationship with your teenage son?  Can you imagine in any sense that creating a lasting relationship would be a product of cramming? Of some quick-fix approach?  Obviously it is a function of the law of the harvest — we will always reap as we sow.

Marriage also is subject to the law of the harvest.  The key is alignment with principles.  We control our actions, but the consequences that flow from those actions are controlled by principles.  The body, the mind, marriage, family, all relationships — every natural system is governed by principle, by natural laws.  This is particularly true as we consider how to find a sense of balance between work and family.

Now intellectually, this may not be hard to understand, but emotionally this is a tough idea because the social value system of most people is determined by some quick fix, some way of short-cutting this natural process.  There is none.

We will always reap as we sow.  Try to find one exception anywhere of any person or relationship or enduring family that is not based upon principles. I  would challenge anybody.  There is not true enduring balance, enduring success, apart from these principles.  None.

Someone might say, "Yeah, but what about this person or this family?"  All I'd say is, "How's the marriage?" "Well, he's into his third." "How's the quality of his relationship with his teenagers?" "Well, it's kind of rocky, but look at the money he makes," or look at the prestige that he has or whatever.

It's all cosmetic, surface stuff, my friends.  There are a lot of things that can give material success that are apart from this.  But to take long term success, not just material success, but social, psychological growth of people, of family members, and a sense of contribution and meaning, I do not think you can find an exception anywhere of a truly effective or balanced person or family that does not have at least a pretty good handle on these principles.

Life Centers

Now, I would like to briefly discuss what can happen if we don't put principles at the center of our lives and don't base our decisions on a balanced set of principles.

Work-centered
Let's just say that I put my work at the center of my life.  Everything is oriented around my work, all relationships, all pleasures, everything has to do with my work.  How do I see my relatives?  (As contacts, customers, referral sources.)   How would you perceive your little children if you're work-centered?  (Obstacles.  Oh, I have to deal with that, what an interference.  Go through the motions, you know, try to do my family thing so that I can get back to work.)

Work-centered people may become "workaholics," driving themselves to produce and sacrifice health, family and others important areas of their lives. Their fundamental identity comes from their work.  Taking care of one's family is a noble reason for making money.  But to focus on money-making as a center will bring about its own undoing.  (Money-centered people often put aside family or other priorities, assuming everyone will understand that economic demands come first.)

Possession-centered
Another common center for many people is possessions — "things" — "stuff" — not only tangible, material possessions such as fashionable clothes, homes, cars, boats and jewelry, but also the intangible possessions of fame, glory or social prominence.  Most of us are aware, through our own experience, how totally flawed such a center is, simply because it can evaporate so rapidly.

Self-centered
Perhaps the most common center today is the self.  The most obvious form is selfishness and greed, which violates the values of most people.  But if we look closely at many of the popular approaches to growth and self-fulfillment and even approaches to work and family issues, we often find self-centeredness at their core.

Family-centered
Finally, what if we put family at our center?  This, too, may seem to be natural and proper.  Now I want to make a distinction here:  I'm not talking about "prioritizing" your family; rather I'm talking about putting your family at your center.  As a center in and of itself, it ironically destroys the very elements necessary to family success and work-family balance.  We could go through an analysis of every alternative center.  Or even a combination of them and I'll guarantee at the conclusion of it all it will cause tremendous imbalance and your life will be unfulfilled.

Principle-centered

Only when we put principles at the center of our lives will we be able to bring a sense of proper pacing and a sense of proportion, perspective and appropriate balance to our family and work and other important roles in our life.

This sense of balance includes consideration of any number of relevant principles and not the elevation of a single principle to the exclusion of other principles.  It allows us to be adaptable, flexible and sensitive, yet still effective, in a wide variety of changing circumstances and roles — while still being true to our deepest priorities in life.  It allows us to deal with whatever changes may come along and gives us a constant frame of reference to make all decisions by.

Take time with your family and loved ones to make explicit what principles are.  Principles ultimately govern.

© 1996, 1998 Covey Leadership Center and Franklin Covey.

Confidence in Parenting

 Irene Lebedies

Family Coach

480-440-3242

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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

by Stephen R. Covey

Ten Bright Ideas for a Happier Morning

1.  START GOING TO BED EARLIER

It may take your body a few weeks to adapt to retiring earlier, but in the long run, it will be easier for you to rise at an earlier time.

2.  PLACE ALL ITEMS YOU CARRY TO WORK IN ONE PLACE
It's a good idea to place near the door your keys, briefcase, purse, school supplies, important papers and letters to be mailed.  Keep a petty cash fund handy for all those times that a quarter, 80 cents or $1.55 is needed for school or a parking meter, work, etc.

3.  CHOOSE CLOTHING FOR THE NEXT DAY

Laying clothes out the night before or thinking about what you plan to wear is made easier by stocking your closet with clean matching separates.  Morning dressing becomes hassle-free.

4.  PULL YOURSELF FROM YOUR PILLOW AT LEAST 1-1/2 HOURS PRIOR TO LEAVING FOR WORK

A few minutes added to your morning preparation time can prevent frantic dressing, no breakfast, and forgotten tasks that need to be done before leaving.

5.  RISE FIRST AND DRESS BEFORE WAKING OTHERS

Time alone in the morning, without bumping into others or being interrupted, can be just what you need to get yourself together.

6.  HAVE CHILDREN MAKE THEIR OWN LUNCHES

Have children prepare their lunches to save you time and get them involved in food preparation.

7.  ENCOURAGE SPOUSE TO SHARE IN MORNING TASKS

Have your spouse share morning tasks so that you don't bear all the responsibility.

8.  TAKE TIME FOR BREAKFAST

Set the breakfast table the night before -- a good task for your child.  Sit down for 15 minutes and eat a light, wholesome breakfast.

9.  SET YOUR CLOCKS AHEAD
It may be psychological, but having your clocks and watches set 5 to 10 minutes ahead can keep you on schedule.

10.  REWARD YOURSELF FOR ARRIVING AT WORK ON TIME

You'll be surprised how good you'll feel when you arrive at work, on time and relaxed!  Treat yourself to something you would not normally do: a leisurely bath, lunch with friends, or a new novel.

From Avoid the Morning Rush by Virginia K. Molgaard