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A guide to realizing if your child is at-risk, displaying self-destructive behaviors, and needs your help and intervention.
Strengthen Your Marriage
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Our family's income has changed, now what can I do? Helping Teenagers with Stress - What Makes a Family Strong?
Money worries are among the most common sources of personal and family stress. Living with too much of any kind of pressure on a daily basis can take an emotional and physical toll, contributing to sleepless nights, backaches or headaches, depression, panic attacks, or high blood pressure.
Dealing with money problems or a financial crisis requires planning, decision-making, and cooperation among family members. But it can result in a calmer, happier family life, and a feeling of greater value from the money you spend. It won't occur unless you take some special steps to identify why you can't live within your income, and unless you make changes that will put less demand on financial resources. And it won't occur unless you choose to have the personal strength to stick with your decisions.
First, acknowledge that this is a stressful time. Not only has your family's income been affected, but a piece of your identity, or who you are, has also changed. Whether you are dealing with the loss of a job or the rising living prices, you need to work together as a family so that you are able to move forward.
Next, learn to let go of those things that you have no control over. Know the difference between what you can change and what you cannot. It's not healthy to spend time dwelling on the things you may have no control over. Make a list of things that you do have control over, and look at it regularly.
Think about the basic values you believe in, and define these values. Write them down and discuss them with other family members. If health is one of your values, should you buy products to consume that would not provide better health for each family member? If integrity is another of your values, should you make debts you may not be able to pay? Put each of your buying decisions to this type of test -- will buying and using the product or service help you live by the values you profess?
Focus on what you have, not on how much you're lacking. List all your possessions, including material things, your health, your relationships, your spiritual life.
Take care of your marriage. The most commonly cited reason for divorce is financial problems. All marriages are burdened by money worries. Divorce is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and should not be considered. Remember "for richer or poorer?" As you and your spouse work together through the financial crisis, it's likely your relationship will become stronger.
Prioritize your financial needs. Compile a list of all your bills and other expenses, and determine those that are essential to your survival. These will likely include items such as mortgage or rent, food, utilities, property taxes, and medical expenses. Determine how you can make your current income or emergency savings cover your priority expenses. All expenses should align with your basic values.
Develop a support network for yourself and your family. Your personal support system consists of the people who fulfill different roles in your life -- for example, a sister who is available to provide emergency child care, or another friend going through a similar situation who is able to provide emotional support and encouragement. Don't associate with people who bring you down.
Most importantly, work together as a family! Have a family meeting to share the family's financial situation, discuss personal and family values, brainstorm money-saving ideas, and create a family plan where every person has a responsible role. The family meeting should focus on problem-solving and positive action, not venting, blame, and doom. Teenagers won't be happy about the lifestyle changes in your home, but by validating their feelings, listening to their suggestions, and incorporating their ideas into the family plan, you will be giving them support, encouragement, and respect. Open communication and teamwork in making a family plan and putting it into action will improve your family's ability to move forward as a strong, thriving family.
Remember that in life, change is inevitable and the stress associated with change is normal. Use this time to reflect on the changes that are taking place in your life. Reflect on what has occurred focusing on the positive. You may find it is more valuable than money.
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Some Helpful Ideas
Decrease your debt or expenses by eliminating unnecessary items from your budget. These may be extras like eating out, buying magazines, and going to the movies. Or they could include luxury items like the newest game system. These purchases may have to be limited during this time and/or replaced with other less expensive activities.
Call or write to creditors, if necessary, so that your credit is not affected in the long term. Explain your situation and work with them to set up a payment plan that is comfortable and affordable for you.
If you're having trouble with your mortgage, contact a housing counselor approved by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development to see what your options might be. Be wary of "investors" or others who contact you promising help. Many are scam artists ready to relieve you of whatever cash or equity you have left.
Every dollar counts -- those small expenses add up. If you spend an average of $4 a day for lunch, that adds up to about $100 a month — $1200 a year! Brown-bagging is a better alternative. For example, a sandwich, banana, chips and soda may cost about $2 at the grocery store. That's 50 percent less. Even if you treat yourself to a few lunches out now and then, you'll still save hundreds a year.
If you can's afford to pay cash, you can't afford it. If you have credit available, you might be tempted to use it. Don’t do it. Going into (more) debt will only hurt you in the long run.
Contact your place of worship, community groups, or governmental organizations to inquire about possible assistance with things like food or clothing needs.
Helpful Information
A Survival Guide for the Unemployed ~ Just lost your job? These tips will help you find ways to cope, from keeping up your spirits to prioritizing your spending.
Attitudes that identify self-control ~ Who is in control of my financial decisions? Who is directing my paths?
Financial fears trickle down to kids ~ Honesty about your family's financial situation is the best policy, but make sure that your explanation is done in an age-appropriate way.
Financial stress can affect family patterns for generations ~ Financial stress can have long-lasting ill effects on families and set in motion patterns of verbal aggression that cross generations.
God's minimum financial standards for couples ~ The Bible provides standards for managing money that are essential for marital unity.
Highest Percentage of Americans in Four Decades Say Financial Situation Has Gotten Worse ~ A report of the General Social Survey, conducted by NORC at the University of Chicago, shows that for the first time since 1972, more Americans say that their financial situation has gotten worse in recent years rather than better.
How to lower financial stress ~ Financial problems are often a family problem and parents need to manage stress so they do not transfer their anxiety onto their children.
Military Family Finances: Surviving the Financial Stress of Deployment ~ Some things military families can do is to plan ahead, discuss what and when bills are due, have enough saved, plan a family budget, and get help and support from such groups as the National Military Family Association.
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