Parents who expect that children will sometimes act in ways that are inappropriate or undesirable, but prepare for such behavior by involving their children in the formulation of rules and consequences, may discover that the joy is in the journey, and heaven is found along the way.

Parents would do well to concentrate on a three-pronged approach to managing the journey.

First, a positive relationship with their child is essential to success. When parent-child interactions are characterized by warmth, kindness, consistency, respect, and love, the relationship will flourish, as will self-esteem, mental health, spirituality, and social skills.

Second, being genuinely interested in children's activities allows parents to monitor behavior, which is crucial in keeping teens out of trouble. When misbehavior does occur, parents who have involved their children in setting family rules and consequences can expect less flack from their children as they calmly enforce the rules. Parents who, together with their children, set firm boundaries and high expectations may find that their children's abilities to live up to those expectations grow.

Third, parents who encourage independent thought and expression in their children may find that they are raising children who have a healthy sense of self and an enhanced ability to resist peer pressure.

Parents who give their teenagers their love, time, boundaries, and encouragement to think for themselves may find that they actually enjoy their children's adventure through adolescence.

As they watch their sons and daughters grow in independence, make decisions, and develop into young adults, they may find that the child they have reared is, like the breathtaking view of the newborn they held for the first time, even better than they could have imagined.

BACK TO: Parenting Teens

Parenting Teens

Connection, Monitoring, Autonomy

Rules & Boundaries

How to Really Parent Your Teenager

by Ross Campbell

Dr. Campbell offers a guidebook of positive, proven strategies for real-world problems. Parents will learn how to spot depression and anticipate rebellion, how to discuss sexuality and keep anger in check, and most importantly, how to maintain communication and communicate love.

Boundaries with Teens: When To Say Yes, How To Say No

by John Townsend

To help teenagers grow into healthy adults, parents and youth workers need to teach them how to take responsibility for their behavior, their values, and their lives. Dr. Townsend shows parents how to bring control to an out-of-control family life, how to set limits and still be loving parents, how to define legitimate boundaries for the family, how to instill in teens a godly character. He gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries — the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.

The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

by Gary Chapman

This book contains very practical guidance on how to express the teen's primary love language, how to teach them appropriate responsibility, and how to properly handle both parental and teen anger. It is a tangible resource for stemming the tide of violence, immorality, and despair engulfing many teens today.

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