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Coping with Special Needs Children and Social Bias

by Helen Hipp

ADD & ADHD - Asperger Syndrome  - Learning Disabilities

Special Education - Coaching: Solutions & Results

I knew something was wrong.  My three-year-old son didn't act normal at all.  He'd rock back and forth and bang his head again and again.  He wasn't trying to talk.  His communication skills were simply not up to his playmates' level.  Something was wrong here.  Way wrong.  He needed help.  I needed help.

We went to a team of specialists.  The doctors said my son's development was delayed.  After a battery of tests, he was assessed by the doctor as displaying "autistic tendencies" but not enough to support a diagnosis.

"Your son is functioning beyond his abilities," one doctor said before he diagnosed my son as "globally mentally retarded."

Stunned and upset and confused, I struggled about what to do.  I didn't feel the doctors had it right at all.  I learned that people have serious prejudices when dealing with people with special needs.  And I learned to sidestep the dismal attitudes I encountered. 

I decided to use the diagnosis as a suggestion, a springboard for possibilities, not a straightjacket.  With this attitude and my new insights, I worked and advocated for my son and found people who empowered my son and gave me support by believing in his strengths.  My son was eventually diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and properly treated.

It's been over 20 years now but the prejudice and ignorance still abound.  Just recently radio personality Michael Savage stated that autism is the "illness du jour" and children do not have a father around to tell them to stop acting like a "putz."

Such hurtful shoot-from-the-hip comments are spoken out of total ignorance.  The pain and damage Savage caused because of his position of visibility and influence is monumental.  People deserve respect and more wisdom than that.

No matter the diagnosis or label, everyone needs proper care, patience, and caring.  When dealing with a person with a disability, it's crucial to acknowledge the person's worth -- to value them as individuals and nurture them.  Family, friends, and professionals need to go slow and be non-judgmental.  Our society needs better leaders in position of authority and influence who realize this.

As a result of my perseverance in hope and the future, my son has grown up to be a healthy, happy, and independent 23-year-old who is resilient with an ever-present positive attitude.  He has taken hold of the life he wants for himself, rather than having outside services determine his future.  Today he lives as he sees fit, shares an apartment with a roommate, and works at a local retail store.

After 10 years experience in human services working as a vocational counselor and family advocate, I now work as a Life and Advocacy Coach focusing on special needs coaching for young adults and their parents.

Whether you are a parent of a special needs child or you have been diagnosed with a disorder or have special needs, I want you to know this.  A diagnosis is only a label that is used to help.  Embrace it.  It is only a snapshot in time.  It can and probably will change.  Know that the diagnosis can change -- just as a child changes as he or she develops and grows -- so use the support system to your advantage, but exceed it.  Go beyond it.  Don't let it be the end.