New stepfamilies face many challenges. As with any achievement, developing good stepfamily relationships requires a lot of effort. Stepfamily members have each experienced losses and face complicated adjustments to the new family situation.

The members of the new blended family need to build strong bonds among themselves through:

acknowledging and mourning their losses
developing new skills in making decisions as a family
fostering and strengthening new relationships between parents, stepparent and stepchild, and stepsiblings
supporting one another
maintaining and nurturing original parent-child relationships

While facing these issues may be difficult, most stepfamilies do work out their problems. Stepfamilies often use grandparents (or other family), clergy, support groups, and other community-based programs to help with the adjustments.

Parents should consider a psychiatric evaluation for their child when they exhibit strong feelings of being:

alone dealing with the losses
torn between two parents or two households
excluded
isolated by feelings of guilt and anger
unsure about what is right
very uncomfortable with any member of the original family or stepfamily

In addition, if parents observe that the following signs are lasting or persistent, then they should consider a psychological evaluation for the child/family:

child vents/directs anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent
one of the parents suffers from great stress and is unable to help with the child's increased need
a stepparent or parent openly favors one of the children
discipline of a child is only left to the parent rather than involving both the stepparent and parent; or
members of the family derive no enjoyment from usual pleasurable activities (i.e., learning, going to school, working, playing or being with friends and family)

Most stepfamilies, when given the necessary time to work on developing their own traditions and to form new relationships, can provide emotionally rich and lasting relationships for the adults, and help the children develop the self-esteem and strength to enjoy the challenges of life.

Information provided by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

NEXT: Rights of Children of Divorce

Stepliving for Teens: Getting Along with Step-Parents, Parents and Siblings

by Joel D. Block and Susan Bartell

In question-and- answer format, Stepliving for Teens covers a wide range of actual stepfamily concerns like: "What should I do if my parent tells me one thing and my stepparent says something else?", "I feel guilty having fun with my father and stepmother when my mom is alone. What should I do?" Not only will teens get honest answers from two psychologists who specialize in teenagers and stepfamilies, but also straight-talk advice from other step-teens.

The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families

by Mary Pipher

Families today are experiencing a new set of realities. Working parents are harried, tired, and overextended. They are unable to protect their children from the enemy within, the inappropriate television they watch for hours, the computer games that keep them from playing outside, the virtual reality they tune in to when they should be learning about the real world. And so, Pipher says, we have houses without walls. Compounding this is the fact that our psychological theories don't work anymore, because they were developed decades ago, when families were tightly knit, relatively monolithic institutions. Pipher offers ideas for simple actions we can all take to help rebuild our families and strengthen our communities.

Helping and Supportive Resources

Bonus Families ~ International organization dedicated to promoting peaceful coexistence between divorced or separated parents and their combined families.

National Stepfamily Resource Center ~ Clearinghouse of information, resources, and support for stepfamily members and the professionals who work with them.

Shared Parenting Information Group (UK) ~ Promotes responsible shared parenting after separation and divorce and provides information, research, and resources to all concerned.

Step-Carefully for Step-Parents ~ Offers support and information through online articles, free newsletter, resources on stepfamily issues, and marriage preparation for soon-tobe-stepfamiles.

Stepfamily Foundation of Alberta ~ Canadian organization based in Calgary, Alberta that provides a variety of services to assist stepfamilies address and resolve the difficulties that are characteristic of the stepfamily experience.

Stepfamily Network ~ Supports and educates step-parents through online forum and articles.

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